The Will Complex

Do you remember repeating the following over and over to family, friends and peers?

Hey, I’ve got the BEST idea ever. Watch me make it happen!

Well, I do… like yesterday.

Yet it didn’t matter what fruit I picked out of the bowl that day, week or month as it always tasted great. And to the point of convincing myself each time that this particular idea (apple/pear/banana) was the absolute one. While also assuring others of the same notion.

However, the boost or surge didn’t last long, regardless of whatever it was I bit on and held up high to show you.

It’s All a Matter of Time!

Whether my willed-idea meant a long term job with tedious steps for my reward, or a small one-off domestic task to avoid a problem, neither mattered as I always ended up with the same annoying interference in the middle called Time.

Willpower + Time created a murky and dense  thought-provoking consuming interval  between the ‘what could or should be’ non-reality AND the ‘what is’ reality that was far away. It was a place I was always up and down right before the job or task that required my attention and energy.

I’d spent so much life speculating over ways I could close the gap between the ‘thinking’ and ‘acting’, and finally wrap it up at the ‘acted’ as my willpower completes its job and I happily cash in. In other words, I needed to find a way to bypass the annoying time interval altogether (and often, the job) to get to my reward at the ‘what should be’ end: i.e., I latched onto a hypothetical reward by jumping over the physical job/task.

Hence, I gave myself more time in the process from all the over-thinking, or I felt time significantly more in a backlash! 🤦🏻‍♂️

As usual, my habits are brilliant at finding any excuse possible to maintain their position, so I added more thought into the process increasing my perception of time. I would add more tunnel into the way of my light while under the impression I’m knocking down walls to get there sooner… funnily enough.

The Longer Detour in a Short Run 😕

Do you see how annoying this is?

Surely everyone’s had a good taste at some point or still is? I add unnecessary thinking into the equation by massively converting my mental rewards early. I theoretically eliminate the gap between the ‘thinking’ and ‘acted’ and head straight to the bank!

It’s ludicrous, but standard! By habit, I respond to a challenge by inflating it, thinking that a good thing is underway instead. I automatically speculate for MORE PUSH because ‘I think’ I need the extra help to get the job done.

But the reality is, these positive thoughts also burn up my energy. Thereby, encouraging objective background chatter to intervene  when the time to act gets near. 

I’ve already spent my reward, so now I’m weaker. Alarm bells ring which tenses my being.

Time Is Closing In

Holding off time
Help, I need another excuse asap!

So not only does a variety of chatter throw me off from the very start of my idea, the will-induction period, but pressures intensify as I get super close to the acting, if not during. My busy state of mind then significantly compresses the perception of time, making any experience feel longer than usual from all the processing. Multiple directions and potential outcomes stack up and life is now murkier!

Next, with a well-fed or fuelled up sense of resistance running the show upstairs, whether I like it or not, I want nothing more but to get the job done in any number of ways WHILE also run away from it simultaneously.

I’m in a state of conflict again as there are too many active threads!

Please help me… I’m nearing the point to where I’m about to disturb my comfortable patterns by abruptly changing my behaviour. Or I’ve started the job but under the mental gun because I had spent my reward early. In any case, more thoughts intervene to try and sort everything out.

In desperation, I look for a new source of mental value in another carrot on a stick since the last pleasant scene had just worn off!

Therefore, to compensate I go into another idea, fruit or sweet vege.

Early Inflation

I do like the idea of Willpower-by-Appeal; it’s inviting. But always only at arm’s length, away from the ACTUAL leg work. Besides, it’s far too easy to fall blindly in love and bypass the job altogether, as I hop skip and jump straight onto a bogus cheque without ever lifting a finger.

Let’s run thru it again…

I inflate my challenge as I engage in background chatter that carries on about why I should and shouldn’t be doing this and that, etc., converting any related rewards and failures in advance.

However, all of the combined speculating, debating and resisting takes a toll and disrupts my potential outbound activity. Or the brakes get put on my active-reality.

Therefore I strengthen an internal problem (one I’ve rationalised over the years) that keeps me from moving in the real world.

Ah, so that’s why he’s lazy… He’s running marathons upstairs!


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