The Will Complex

Do you remember repeating the following over and over to family, friends and peers?

Hey, I’ve got the BEST idea ever. Watch me make it happen!

Well, I do… and it feels like only yesterday.

Yet it didn’t matter what fruit I picked out of the bowl that day, week or month as it always tasted great. In fact, I would convince myself each time that this particular idea (apple/pear/banana) was the absolute BEST one, while also convincing others of the same notion too.

However, the boost or surge of energy didn’t last long, regardless of whatever it was I bit into and held up high to show you.

It’s All a Matter of Time!

Whether my willed-idea meant a long term job with tedious steps for my reward, or a small one-off domestic task to avoid a problem, neither mattered as I always ended up with the same annoying interference in the middle called Time.

Willpower + Time created a murky and dense  thought-provoking/consuming space  between the ‘what should be’ non-reality AND the ‘what is’ reality that was far away. It was a place where my emotions fluctuated up and down right before the job or task that required my attention and energy.

I’d spent so much of my life speculating over ways I could get around the ‘thinking’ and ‘acting’, and simply skip ahead to the ‘acted’ as my willpower completes its job and I happily cash in on the reward at hand. In other words, I needed to find a way to bypass the annoying time interval altogether (and often the job itself) and get straight to my reward at the ‘what should be’ end.

Hence, I gave myself more time in the process from all the over-thinking, or I felt time significantly more in a backlash soon after attaching to the idea of the reward! 🤦🏻‍♂️

As usual, my habits are brilliant at finding any excuse possible to maintain their position. So of course, I would add more tunnel between me and the approaching light, while under the impression that I’m getting closer to the end… funnily enough.

The Longer Detour in a Short Run 😕

Do you see how annoying this is?

Surely everyone’s had a good taste of this at some point, or still experiences it even today? I add unnecessary thinking into the equation by massively converting my mental rewards early. I theoretically eliminate the gap between the ‘thinking’ and ‘acted’ and head straight to the bank!

It’s ludicrous, but standard! By habit, I respond to a challenge by inflating the idea of completing this challenge, thinking that a good thing is underway in my mind instead. I automatically speculate for MORE PUSH from a reward that hasn’t fruited in reality yet because ‘I think’ I need the extra motivation from it to get the job done.

But the reality is, these positive thoughts also burn up my energy. Thereby, encouraging objective background chatter to intervene  when the time to act gets near. 

I’ve already spent my reward, so now I’m weaker-minded. Next, alarm bells ring because I’m running out of excuses as to why I haven’t paid up.

Time Is Closing In

Holding off time
Help, I need another excuse asap!

So not only does a variety of chatter throw me off from the very start of my idea, the will-induction period, but pressures intensify as I get super close to the acting, if not during. My busy state of mind significantly compresses the perception of time even more, making my experience feel longer than usual from all the rapid processing. In other words, multiple potential directions and possible outcomes stack up, and now my life is murkier!

Next, with a well-fed or fuelled up sense of resistance running the show upstairs, whether I like it or not, I want nothing more but to get the job done in any number of ways, while I also want to run away from it a split second later.

I’m in a state of conflict again alternating between too many active threads!

Please help me… I’m nearing the point to where I’m about to disturb my comfortable patterns by abruptly changing my behaviour. Or I’ve started the job, but now I’m under the mental gun because I had spent my reward early. In any case, more thoughts intervene to try and sort everything out.

In desperation, I look for a new source of mental reward/value in another carrot on a stick since the last pleasant scene has already worn off!

Therefore, to compensate, I go into another idea, fruit or sweet veg.

Early Inflation

I do like the idea of Willpower-by-Appeal; it’s inviting. But I only like it at arm’s length, away from the ACTUAL leg work. Besides, it’s far too easy to fall blindly in love and bypass the job altogether, as I hop, skip and jump straight for a bogus cheque without ever lifting a finger.

Let’s run thru it again one last time…

I inflate my challenge as I engage in background chatter that carries on about why I should and shouldn’t be doing this and that, etc., converting any related rewards and failures in advance.

However, all of the combined speculating, debating and resisting takes a toll and disrupts my potential outbound activity. Or the brakes get put on my active-reality.

Therefore I strengthen an internal problem (one I’ve normalised over the years) that keeps me from moving in the real world.

Ah, so that’s why he’s lazy… It’s because he’s running marathons upstairs!

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