My nature is tamed by a vast library of programs derived from all previous encounters. As another result, life also creates a significant overflow in a byproduct that I call ‘Weight’ or ‘Dense Time’. Weight is an invisible messy mind mass that complicates what should only be a simple situation in life.
When it comes to lining up my will on a goal today, I see at least two challenges as Weight that stand before me.
Firstly, during the initial startup of will or when I’m at a distance from the activity, I’m known to reach in early for my reward in a Cash Advance. This lifelong habit of early-bird speculating destroys any real chance to bring it alive as my desire or motivation loses value from being spent early.
Secondly, as I get closer to the actual leg work, objective ideas bombard my mind in an attempt to lengthen the gap and keep it wide. My resistance, which tries to keep old comforts in place, becomes overwhelmed, leaving me weak. Therefore, the sense of time significantly compresses into my state as the task gets closer and closer.
I look for any excuse to wriggle out because it feels much better when I’m at a distance where I can speculate on the positive without any bother.
With a takeover now assured by these two well-developed hindrances that operate outside optimal settings, in problems that both overly Attract AND Repel, also overlapping, unfortunately, I barely move productively if at all (back in the day). In fact, it is my tendency to create and aggravate a problem while convincing myself otherwise, I’m on a righteous path.
Seeing the Deeper Symmetry Activates the Will-Update Process
It now astounds me that after many years of being in love with my will at arm’s length only to have it flip when coming in close, it could have all been avoided by something as simple as acknowledging this blueprint.
For once, and thankfully, these stories that continue to spill both ways ↕ aren’t so grabbing anymore.
My underlying desperation and pleas to buy more time, the numerous distractions that catch me off guard in any excuse to avoid the task, and also the variety of succulences from rewards given far too early, these challenges now no longer weigh me down. It was like they were all perfectly packaged to protect me from the shackles of behavioural change at the end since unsettling my comfort zone and habits were the most prominent issues to date.