I didn’t just catch the bad stuff from those around me when I was young, nor was I anything close to the perfect sponge every parent hoped for, absorbing the good stuff only.
As I’ve mentioned from the start, I caught a dose of ignorance from the crowd on the sidelines (along with the good stuff, of course). It is a force to be reckoned with because most won’t see it in themselves (the reality… we all get a good dose applied to one area of our lives or another). Over time, my parents, elders, family, extended family, semi-outsiders and borderliners (teachers, friends and acquaintances), all gave me a decent serving of both good AND challenging in terms of how to live my life.
Naturally, my ears and eyes soon became accustomed to each of these ‘ways’ which were also delivered on queue or scheduled at different days and times of the week. This belief came on Monday, and that belief on Tuesday. Or this way was the right way at 9 am when in the company of one group of people, while the other way became dominant at 5 pm, with another group. Thus the ‘waves of each ways’ came in from all angles and would often contradict one another.
No doubt, it was this routine that kept on living, not me. Being easily influenced, I merely filtered through what I knew at the time and created my own patterns or set-ways for when I was on my own. Ultimately, I was given a visor from my surroundings which also helped block information from entering my world. Therefore I played with this visor, shaped it, stretched it, and created my life based on a limited array of information (aka the generational hand-me-down).
These influences who surrounded me growing up, I am grateful for their presence because I understand that the good comes with the bumpy (nobody’s perfect) and that’s how we all grow. Not that I wanted to grow, mind you, but I got to the point where I had no choice but to grow the hell out of a dark hole that I dug myself into. However, for some reason back then, the challenging or bad elements from my surroundings gripped onto me, or they more or less BECAME me! This is when I strayed down a funny path on the Darkside. 😈
Also, I believe there were certain mainstream influences that weren’t designed for my system from the get-go. These soon paved the way for new expansive sensations I had never felt before to come in (on par with a cult-like rush), and they absolutely captivated my attention. After weakening my system to these influences, some of which I’ll note below, I became obsessed with dangerous things. One of my greatest obsessions growing up was making explosives and lighting them up, which would have been okay if there was a teacher around. Unfortunately, my bible was an online open-source book called ‘The Terrorists Handbook’, and it had everything from explosive recipes to hacking, cracking & credit card cheating — no biological teacher required!
Therefore, I ended up ignoring many important things that I could have used as stepping stones to a more grounded reality. Besides…. back then, chemicals were readily available, even for a 14-year-old. Nothing put a smile on my face more than getting my hands on something I shouldn’t have.
What Could Possibly Pave the Way to A Sketchy Lifestyle?
To rationalise my bad behaviour, I need to go back in time to look at a few common influences that we all shared. Keep in mind… As a Highly Sensitive Person (living a Hypersensitive Existence), I react differently from others when it comes to foods, heavier metals and refinements in my environment, let alone all the surrounding thoughts that bombard me. I get carried away more easily, thereby opening myself up to even more surprises.
Here are some earlier mainstream influences that I now contest:
- To get my main nutrients, I must eat both meat and eggs while also drinking dairy. I didn’t live on a farm — my food was mass-produced. Unwanted things such as long-term antibiotic exposure are no good for a developing immune system.
- Chlorine and fluoride in my water keeps me safe and healthy. Compared to nasty bacteria, sure… But it also kills good things in the water, along with gut flora.
- Processed food is reliable. Long term consumption puts a load on my internals.
- I need iodised salt to maintain healthy thyroid glands. There are much cleaner ways of sourcing iodine.
- When I feel sick, body or mind, see a doctor and take whatever he or she gives you without question because they know best. Research first!
- Happiness is just ahead. Just what I need in the mental equation… more thoughts!
Overall, sure, one would think that there’s not much in these everyday things. But for me and my bizarre mind chemistry, I now feel that this was the first concoction that proved toxic to my body and mind, making it easier for me to get caught up in bad behaviour. That said, these influences/fuels weren’t designed for my system long term. For most other general minds, I know you guys can easily handle the list from start to finish. In fact, I see it all the time.
In my world, I started rationalising more ways to up the ante… i.e., fast-forward 10-15 years and…
It’s ok to take 10 Xanax a day. Or it’s ok to take 50 Eccy’s along with a few other treats over a weekend and follow it with a box of sleepers to get the 1up on the one hell-of-a-comedown. I assure you, I find no pleasure in mentioning any of this. This review is for development purposes only and I urge everyone to be aware of the dangers that come with drugs or anything that produces short-term bursts of significant sensation on demand!
Yes, my mates and I were wild. We were very, very stupid in our 20’s.
One weekend, a mate and I started with a bag of 100 ecstasy tablets and we didn’t stop until we ate them all. We were knocking them down faster than our drinks!
Why take so many?
First, they weren’t that strong because people got greedy and jumped on the product. Second, we would tax the much bigger bags of each week’s rollout because hardly anyone counted thru the thousands of pills until it reached the street level. It was one of a few perks back then. Stuff kept coming in, so we kept pushing the limits. Lastly, it was the culture. We thought it was cool to take lots of drugs.
Please note again: The review on this page is for Mindware development purposes only. This in no way is intended to excuse or encourage drug use.