Growing up, I couldn’t help but divide myself into a few characters. Today, I see why it happened.
My imitations were the result of exposure to various processing densities and pathways from the total influences in my life. Or, from many people’s different line-of-thinking (set-ways) as each sectioned themselves into smaller groups.
And me being me, who liked to nosey around, I’d step inside these worlds to acquaint myself with natures diversity. I was rather intrigued at how people were so far apart upstairs.
Naturally and not long after, certain traits rubbed off, and there were now multiple me’s running around. Each subroutine or program (potentially carrying a trojan/virus) got much stronger below.
Next, I’d end up living only one-way while the camera was on or while I was in the company of one level of mind. Only to live drastically in another when it switched off, or when I came across a different range of influences. I did this because each group thought that the other was strange, and I would have to hide my offending parts.
Finally Owning Up
Yes, it was all of me, your honour…
So I’m a contradiction in nearly every aspect. Yet I find it reasonable under the circumstances. My style of living came from an odd-interest coupled in with my environment, and I thank God that I now embrace it. Or at least a good part of me does.
My splitting behaviour turned to an art only because I finally care less about everything since I now see that it is a big mixed-up world. Each needs to realise that we all live in a land of opposites or else stay on your own damn side! Seriously, keep the wall up and beg nature to allow only its fruits across.
But for me, as I take things less seriously, it’s easier to flow between each fragment or compass point. I now flick the switch smoother than ever before.
Whereas previously and under my old visor, it got to the point where I’d disregard facts and other essential things. Like, the law, morals, respect, etc.
After so much divided BS, it’s only in the last five years that I now care, after a tipping point. While it seems, everyone else had stopped!
Sure, I remember immediately snubbing an opposing view backed by solid logic or reason. I couldn’t help; I was on auto-pilot since the meal wasn’t on my menu. There was a pothole along my narrative, and it needed filling in.
So I now say, thank you and goodbye to an ancient-old hand-me-down tactic from the array I glued onto that demanded the grain to grain on!
And if it weren’t for my highly sensitive mindset, I’d be happily ingrained along with everyone else, today.
A continued ignorance and my re-investment into these long term mental shares (splitting fossilised habits) made me take many useless things way too seriously. In contrast, stuff I should’ve taken with more care, got overlooked.
My sensors were shaped to receive a particular flow, and I’d follow orders almost always without question. Well, they still contain prejudice, but to a lesser degree. I’m only human…